My Privileges

not tryna make myself look desperate for your attention, which is why i leave you alone not gaf about about our situation. where we stand?, i left on cruise control. not going too fast or going to slow. your time, feels like its separating us apart, so i felt the need to now i put us in park. not going forward, not going reverse. just wanna see who and what you wanna put first. i leave you alone, and ignore conversation, to see how much you really want LOVE’S SATISFACTION.

xnikkibaby:

Couples always talk about their future. How they will get married, what they’ll name their kids, and how many kids they’ll have. They make promises for the future, they only care for the future. Think about the present first. Without it, there’s no future. If you want to be together forever, make it happen.

and by wanting so, i threw away most of all the things that were important to me. i wasnt able to see the things i had, i wasnt able to see the happiness it brought me. genuinely. i was blind. i couldnt see. i was so caught up in what i wanted. i ended up hurting those around me. i was selfish because deep down, i really was happy. i just wanted more. i wanted so much that i wasnt satisfied and grateful with what i already had right in front of me. what i already had within the grasp of my hand. wrapped around my fingers. in the palm of my hands with no hesitation of leaving. but now it seems as if those things that brought me happiness grew wings and flew away, when in reality, i just dropped them, let them go, and wanted to see what else i could find to bring me happiness. selfish i know. i guess it only took time for me to finally realize it. and now?, it sucks. the things that could give me temporary happiness, everything that i asked for?, i got. but it came with the consequence of letting go of the long term happiness. the things that could make me happy all the time, for a very long time. not just only sometimes. it was wrong of me. and if anything?, i wish i could take it back. i thought i had everything planned out. i thought that if i planned everything with the right timing, everything would go my way, and fall into place. i thought that if i left my happiness behind, it would still be there, waiting for me till i would come back. but i realize that everyone wants happiness. and if let alone then the world wont hesitate to take it from you. weather its another person, fate, destiny, God. it doesnt really matter. because this is just one of the things that i have to live by, get over and let go. and maybe try and find happiness again. most likely?, it wont be as good as the last but, in the end?, God gave me a choice to decide on what i thought i wanted. i was wrong. this isnt what i wanted. but i pray?, that ill find genuine happiness almost as great as the first.

tell me why things never go the way its planned.

never having a perfect execution of your perfect expectaion.

tell me why things never seem fair.

how it seems life can give others what you most desire, but not you.

tell me why whenever you put in your heart, and soul,your blood, sweat and tears into someone it never seems to be enough.

how you go on in life with having to deal with the universe. and this 3 denominational world we call reality.

tell me why when we feel love, it feels like nothing can destroy you. all but the one person you first gave your feelings to.

tell me why. tell me why life isn’t fair.

how love and happiness with a person is so close, and within your grasp you can almost touch it.

trying to grab to fast give what you want most, easy seconds to get ahead of you, making it harder for you to keep up and try and get it within your grasp again.

tell me why.

tell me why time is just never on your side.

why you have to be the one waiting patiently to finally have what you want most, but when temptation  arises from within yourself try to grab what belongs to you,without it really belonging to you.

timing. fuck you universe, fuck you reality, fuck you father time.

when ever ii try to plan everything out you happen to fuck it up for me.

i guess this is where that saying comes from.

“if youwant something done right, do it yourself”

no relying on time and reality.

iv only been putting in half of what i want to happen,

only a fraction,

so i guess its time to put my words, feelings, and life into action.

taking things int omy own reality, no waiting to see when time will happen

what i want is what i will get and in the end?,

i know ill be happy.

you put in so much effort to try and make me happy. and make sure im taken care of. you spoil me<3 and make sure im never sad. your such a cutie and i love you for that!!!!!<3 thank you;)